Often we learn most from when we fail, miss an opportunity which we know we should have taken, or simply have a hard time. It is during these times that the true nature of who we are gets exposed and we get to see our weaknesses.....often not a pleasant experience. But, also, it is an opportunity to grow, to ask God to continue to change us in specific ways so that we can be more effective in demonstrating love to those around us.
2 days ago I, Dave, went to take a DVD back. It was due to be back on Saturday but the shop was closed so I had to take it there on Monday. I had my excuse prepared in advance so that I did not have to pay a "late" fine. When I got there, I asked the owner why he was not open on Saturday because I wanted to take the DVD back but he was closed. He then told me that he had had some problems and needed to go to hospital. I asked him more and he said, in a quiet, embarrassed way that he has epilepsy and suffered from a seizure. I then said I know what it is like because I too have epilepsy and, as a result of this, we had a really great conversation about struggles and difficulties with the condition. He had fallen and hurt the entire left side of his body.
It was at this point that I missed the opportunity. I was in the shop on my own with him. I wanted to pray for him but didn´t because of 1) I did not feel confident enough with Portuguese to pray exactly what I wanted to and 2) It is difficult for me to pray for someone who has epilepsy when I have not been healed from it. These may seem rational and good excuses to the reader but to me, they are lame and pathetic. The focus of these excuses is ME. God is powerful and able to work in greater power through my weakness, when I can´t do it than when I think I am able. It was the IDEAL opportunity.....but has now passed.
I will ask God for another opportunity with this guy so I can offer more to him than empathy.
It showed me that there is still too much fear inside me resulting in a lack of faith. May God rip it out of me so I can be a more useful tool.